We are All Doctors

“We need you back,” my sister-in-law said to me over the phone. I wasn’t surprised by the words I was hearing. At some point, the façade I had been trying to maintain had slowly begun to unravel. An older version of myself would have glossed over this comment with laughter, but I didn’t have it in me any longer.

I echoed her sentiment with a solemn response, “I need me back too.”

She didn’t know how desperately I wanted to return to the carefree version of myself. The version of me that believed we were all in this together. The version of me that believed the white coat unified us in a common cause. It was a symbol of something bigger than our individual differences…generations of men and women who had used their gifts to walk through the journey of healing with others. It was a symbol of countless hours spent exploring the intricacies of the human body. A symbol of successes and failures that paved the way towards excellence.

I had hoped medical training would be the crucible that brought us together. In the heat of the fire, the rough edges that divided us would melt away as we clung to each other for survival. We would lose many things in the fire; but once the ashes settled, we would find a sense of belonging. This was the ultimate privilege: to be counted among the doctors who came before us as we set the stage for the next generation of healers.

These hopes were quickly shattered by the reality of medical training. Some find a place of belonging in which they are affirmed, accepted, and encouraged to flourish in their quest for excellence. Others find themselves in a place with no shortage of hostility, exclusion, and discouragement. For these individuals, it is a case of never quite enough; tasked with an extra burden to consistently prove their intrinsic value.

The most painful wounds are wounds from those trained to heal. Criticism is an 11 blade – perfect for cutting away confidence. Incision after incision from the ones in white coats you assume you can trust.

The most painful wounds are wounds from those trained to heal. Exclusion is a 15 blade –creating short, precise incisions through cardiac tissue. Incision after incision until the heart is unrecognizable.

While those outside the medical field may only see the white coat, we know there is much more than meets the eye. We are all doctors, yes. But as soon as we walk into training, we acknowledge tiny divisions that begin with specialty and run as deep as personality. There’s the pediatrician and surgeon. There’s the black doctor and white doctor. There’s the doctor that glides through training and the one that stumbles at every level.

It’s surprising how quickly these divisions develop amongst us. How quickly we find ways to differentiate ourselves from one another. We are all doctors, yes. But will there ever exist a time when we are completely united? When we do not look for reasons to exclude or discredit one another? When we can simultaneously strive for personal excellence as we lift each other up?

It is clear that the white coat does not transform us, but merely reveals who we are. Those trained to heal are not immune to the character flaws that plague humanity. Though much more is expected of us, we are merely human and sometimes we fall short.

Yet through the sutures of men and women in white coats, healing is made complete.

There’s the short doctor and tall doctor. The married doctor and single doctor. The quiet doctor and gregarious doctor. The doctor who can’t wait to return home and the one who stays behind to avoid home. What lies underneath each white coat is the foundation of our collective strength. When beautifully intertwined, our differences empower us to overcome the challenges inherent to the practice of medicine.

We are all doctors – as different as we are similar.

We are all doctors – as wounded as we are whole.

We are all doctors – as imperfect as we are perfect.

We are all doctors, simply looking for a place to belong.

We are all doctors, finally realizing we already do.

Afua Ansah; Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine